Five Feet Zero

self indulgent and short.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

I walk the line..

I don’t want to hurt them and yet I find myself hating them. Why do I feel so disconnected from them? I thought things would be better once I’d gotten over all the rebellion, and in a way they are – infinitely better actually. But I still feel misunderstood and bullied, like I've gotten the short end of the stick. I feel mis-trusted, angry, sad, and worst of all - disconnected.
And I know they care, and they’d hate that I feel like this, but honestly I don’t know how to make it better. I feel like they know I take things seriously, that I’m more sensitive than K, that it’s easy to emotionally blackmail me, and without realizing it, they use it to their advantage. They know I’ll listen, and for some reason that seems to have worked against me. And you know what the worst bit is? That I still want to be a good daughter. I wish I could just fuck it all, and do exactly what I want. I wish I stopped trying to walk the line between making both of us happy. M, where are you when I need you?


  • At 1:30 AM, Blogger the joker said…

    I've told you this before:

    'And I know you're the heaviest weight
    When you're not here thats hung
    Around my head
    And your lips burn wild
    Thrown from the face of a child
    And in your eyes
    The seeing of the greatest few
    Do what you will, always
    Walk where you like, your steps
    Do as you please, I'll back you up'

    It can't be the same, but you can always call if you need me.


  • At 4:31 PM, Blogger hedonistic hobo said…

    my parents make me feel the same way at times. someties i lacerate myself for the guilt of not being the ideal daughter and then other times i'm filled with a tremlbing rage nad fury over trying to follow someone's else's prescribed ideals. it always feels like i'm walking a tithgt rope. i hear ya, loud and clear.

  • At 4:23 PM, Blogger ~*sim*~ said…

    third what the hobo says. i've been going through it 9 months now. sad that the best solution seems to be "i'm leaving in x days"...


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