Five Feet Zero

self indulgent and short.

Sunday, October 15, 2006


Ooh, so much to blog about but so little time. I feel young, so gloriously, unattachedly, footloose-and-fancy-free-edly young.
So, Thursday was the boss’ birthday, and we decided to go out drinking to Zenzi in Bandra. Zenzi is the unofficial watering hole for all creative and media types. Very hip, very trendy and refreshingly non-South Mumbai. (To understand the true meaning of that sentence, you’d have to know a little about Mumbai’s socio-economic geography; in a nutshell South Mumbai = snotty old money, Bandra = trendy young professionals, Christians and Sindhi aunties, Andheri, Versova and beyond = noveau riche couples, television and filmi types.
Disclaimer: these are just general guidelines, and exceptions abound. Direct all hate mail here).

So where was I? Aah, yes, Zenzi and drinking. No dinner, one long island iced tea, and I was set for the rest of the evening. Incidentally, my notoriously low alcohol tolerance is the stuff of legend.
So anyway, there I was revealing random details about my sex life to my colleagues, and generally making an ass of myself, when P and I spotted a group of pretty gay boys. I dared her to go grab one of their asses, and she, drunken as she was, quite happily took me up on it.
They seemed very flattered, and one of them even stuck his bum out for it to be squeezed. And P gleefully grabbed a nice handful.
I remember being overcome with much laughter as we stumbled back to where we were sitting – actually I remember toppling over head first into the couch, with my feet sticking up in the air. I kid you not.
By the time I resurfaced, we’d discovered that the pretty boys were friends of Aki Narula. (If you’re too lazy to click on the link, Aki Narula is a realllly BIG fashion designer, like seriously famous. Think the Alexander McQueen of India).
Anyway, we went back to drinking and dancing, and I was involved in some pretty hard booty-shaking when I managed to walk backwards into none other than…
Yes, you guessed it: Aki Narula. And dudes, he’s h-o-t.
“I thought it was the men who pushed the women around,” he said into my ear, after steadying me, and walked off.
It took a couple of minutes for this to register.
I spun around, and grabbed him by the waist, “Not when they’re as hot as you are.”
Boys and Girls (and in-betweens, I don’t discriminate), I KID YOU NOT!
I wouldn’t have done this if I didn’t already know he was gay. Or so I like to think.
So he laughed and I laughed and we hugged and it was all very fun.

But then I walked back, and the boss (yes, my boss), who thinks he’s hot too insisted that I go back and grab his ass.
“Pleeeeaaase, it’s my birthday.” And of course, I didn’t need much convincing. So I got up, straightened myself and marched back to where Aki Narula was standing with his friends.
“My editor thinks you’re really cute and wants me to squeeze your butt. It’s her birthday.”
“Sure, go ahead.”
*Booty grab happens*
“Where’s your editor? I want to wish her.”

I still can’t get over it. I SQUEEZED AKI NARULA’S BUM. Say it with me people, Fivefeetzero squeezed Aki Narula’s bum. She grabbed his ass (it was disappointingly flat, incidentally). She squeezed his booty, she did!

But wait, it gets worse.
At 1:15 am, the lights came on, and the boy whose butt P pinched came over to talk to her.
“So you’re a journalist,” he said.
“Yeah, what do you do?” P replied, still in a drunken haze.
“I’m a filmmaker.”
“Oh how nice, what kind of films do you make?”
“Uhmm..I’ve made two films. My Brother Nikhil and Bas Ek Pal.”

Yes, P squeezed Onir’s bum.

And when I stumbled blearily into the office the next morning, I was told that I was probably going to be moved to the main magazine. Which means no more shitty lifestyle stories. Yayyy. But I don’t want to count the proverbial bylines before they’re printed so I’m going to pretend like it’s not going to happen.

But yes, in sum, I would say it’s been a good week in the life of a 23-year-old single girl, wouldn’t you agree?


  • At 12:09 PM, Blogger Nirav Shah said…

    I whole heartedly agree that its been a lovely weekend with all the crazy stuff you have been up to !

    Can you now pleeeeeeeeease drop the "wrapped in melancholy" tag line from your google talk... you fighting hard to do a SRK ala Devdas...

  • At 12:39 PM, Blogger fivefeetzero said…

    hahahaha...i will do so immediately. but the melancholy keeps coming and going - in between bouts of bum pinching and other such events.

  • At 6:51 PM, Blogger eM said…

    aki narula?


    but still, the bum-squeezing is always fun, no? :)

  • At 2:46 AM, Blogger fivefeetzero said…

    admittedly it was under the influence of much alcohol. i might've found anything gay and male pinch-able at the time.
    oh, it was most fun.

  • At 12:35 PM, Anonymous hedonistic hobo said…

    see now in london i am too poor to be able to access celebrity booty. but bebe how could you not know aki narula's gay!?!

  • At 10:38 AM, Blogger eM said…

    kindly furnish email details so we can have conversation not meant for the comments space. ;)

  • At 2:18 PM, Blogger fivefeetzero said…

    eM, most intrigued by what you want to email me about! it's

  • At 6:09 PM, Blogger jerry said…

    well congratulations for the shift, as a journo: cheers! men butt-grabbing, is difficult for me to visualise; grabbing gay men's butt even more difficult. okay, i admit being slightly homophobic. but don't ever ever have this kind of fun in Delhi, with no men. the closest to a replica of this place would be TC (I think its like the music of Totos, not as good)...with hacks and you get your legs trampled amount of LIITs soothens that...cheers!

  • At 6:11 PM, Anonymous hedonistic hobo said…

    you have been tagged! :))

  • At 6:47 PM, Blogger hedonistic hobo said…

    tag's the wrong word....shoot me i'm a blogoramus. anywhoo you have been linked too as well. una pregunta mi amiga, didja ever hit the spice of life basement on tuesday night for the live blues jam? coz i did last night and it was mind-fucking-blowing. next tues i know where i'll be.........

    and on wed at some pub in liverpool street that hosts a live jazz evening starting at 8. it's shady like gokul's (if that's how you spell it) or delhis equivalent of so many places BUT BUT BUT you're free to smoke weed there. like in the SOAS bar. oh i love how i know london well enough to suit my moods.

  • At 2:29 PM, Blogger chitgo said…

    zenzi is one of my favorite'ist' places in bombay....:)
    seems wierd that a lot of interesting ass-grabbing situations have happened there...

  • At 4:11 PM, Blogger ~*sim*~ said…



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