Wee hours of the morning rant

Who the fuck am I? what do I want? How did I get here? I used to know who I was, and where I wanted to be. I had priorities. Why don’t I have them anymore? Why does nothing seem worth it anymore? And I don’t mean this in an I’m-suicidal-and-I-want-to-kill-myself kind of way. I’m actually quite enjoying life- I’ve ended up meeting new people, and I love the company of most of my old friends. I like reacquainting myself with Mumbai, and like observing the way it’s changing. Once I get a new job, I know I’ll also be more stimulated, but that’s all superficial. I don’t know what I’m living for anymore. I used to live for my ideals, and I also (as much as I hate to say this) used to live for my relationship with the Ex-Boyfriend. But both of those (even if I were in a relationship) seem pointless right now. So now what? And where? And who? Who would be crazy enough to understand the nonsense in my head? When did life stop being simple? Why don’t I want what everyone around me wants? Why am I not happy with the idea of a husband and two kids? And you know what the worst part is? That I don’t have an alternative to the husband-and-two-kids scenario. I don’t see myself being satisfied with a great job as the editor of a Sunday newspaper either. Fuck. I scare me.